Setting Boundaries During Holiday Season: A Therapist's Guide

It’s now mid-November. There you are again – staring at your calendar, feeling that familiar tension between your deep commitment to clients and the mounting holiday obligations. Another kids’ end-of-year assembly, Christmas Carol concert, and your mind starts ticking with thoughts of presents yet to buy. Your perfectly color-coded schedule is bursting at the seams, while that inner voice whispers, “Oh, I can see my plate is piling up again! Another commitment on top of the already bursting mental load.” 

The truth? Your capacity for deep empathy and holding space for others makes you an incredible therapist. But these same gifts, combined with those unconscious "good girl spells," can leave you depleted during the holidays.

I used to wear my ability to do it all like a badge of honour. Back-to-back family events, squeezing in extra sessions, volunteering for baked goods for school events, writing assessment reports at midnight – all while maintaining a perfectly curated image of the therapist and that school mum who ‘had it all together’.

Until my body started sending signals I couldn't ignore.

The back pain that emerged after back-to-back family gatherings. The insomnia following days of compressed sessions. The anxiety that crept in every time I looked at my calendar.

My perfectionism told me I was failing. My tendency for people-pleasing urged me to push harder. My self-sacrificing nature insisted everyone else's needs came first.

Sound familiar? You might be caught in:

• The perfectionist trap of thinking you need to show up 100% everywhere

• The people-pleasing cycle of saying yes when your body screams no

• The self-sacrificing pattern of putting everyone else's holiday joy before your own

• The exhausting dance of maintaining a "perfect therapist" image while drowning inside

• The guilt of wanting to prioritize your own peace during the "season of giving"

Here's what becomes possible when you break free from these patterns:

1. Embodied Boundaries
   Learn to trust your body's wisdom when it signals overwhelm. Your sensitivity isn't a weakness – it's your internal guidance system.

2. Aligned Actions
   Make decisions from your grounded self, not your conditioned patterns. Imagine choosing holiday commitments based on genuine capacity, not obligation.

3. Sustainable Success
   Create systems that honour both your clinical excellence AND your personal peace. No more sacrificing one for the other.

4. Authentic Presence
   Show up fully where you choose to be, rather than being partially present everywhere.

Your worth isn't measured in:

• Number of clients seen

• Family events attended

• Holiday obligations met

• Tasks perfectly completed

It's found in your ability to:

• Honour your inner wisdom

• Model genuine self-trust

• Embody authentic boundaries

• Choose aligned commitments
  
  

As I am more mindful of how to manage my energy and practice embodying from the grounded Self, I start to reflect on how I am going to show up during holiday season. Take this as an invitation to practice transforming your relationship with boundaries.

Let me share three concrete practices that have transformed my holiday experience as a therapist:

1. The "Power Hour" Buffer System
   Before you dismiss this as another time management tip, hear me out. This isn't about squeezing more into your day – it's about creating sacred space for transition.

Here's how:

• Block one hour before your first client on return dates (or the day before)

• Use 30 minutes for gentle re-entry (tea, journaling, breathing)

• Use 30 minutes for practical prep (reviewing schedules, setting intentions, email triage)

Why it works: Instead of jumping from holiday mode straight into holding space for others, you're honouring your need for transition. This isn't indulgent – it's essential for sustainable practice.

2. The "Choose Three" Method
   Rather than trying to maintain all your usual clinical and personal commitments during the holidays, select three key aspects of your practice to maintain with excellence.

Example:

• Crisis response system

• CPD hours

• Planning for 2025

Everything else can be minimized, delegated, or paused. This isn't about lowering standards – it's about focusing your energy where it matters most.

3. The "Energy Account" Approach
   Think of your holiday energy like a bank account. Before saying yes to any commitment (professional or personal), ask:

• What's my current energy balance?

• What's the energy cost of this commitment?

• What's the energy return? Does it nourish me?

• Do I have enough in my account to cover this?

• Where can I schedule in down time and recharge time?

Pro tip: Create actual numbers (1-10) to make this concrete. When your account drops below 4, it's time to make deposits before any new withdrawals.

Implementation Guide:

• Review your calendar now

• Identify your power hour slots

• Choose your three focus areas

• Create your energy tracking system

• Set up your buffer systems before the holiday rush begins

Remember: These aren't just nice ideas – they're practical tools that require commitment and practice. Start implementing them now, before the holiday intensity builds.

Ultimately, this is a season of giving – and the greatest gift you can offer is your authentic, present self. Those quiet moments of recharge aren't just self-care; they're what enable you to fully experience genuine connections. Remember: what our children and loved ones truly want isn't our perfectionism or endless doing – it's our presence. When we allow ourselves to rest and rejuvenate, we create space for those meaningful moments that make the season truly special.