What I Learned from Recovering My Green Pool: A Metaphor for Uncovering Our True Self
I didn't learn to swim until I was 24 years old. For me, a swimming pool represents a place where I've overcome many fears and trauma - I lost a dear family member to drowning in swimming pool. Surprisingly, it's also become a place where I've discovered profound Buddhist wisdom.
There's nothing more frustrating than trying to recover a green pool. My husband and I are both neurodivergent but on opposite ends of the spectrum. We both have great aspirations and endless to-do lists. So when we drop the balls on maintaining our household, sometimes it's the swimming pool that suffers. You know those things that you and your partner can't quite agree on? For me, it was the pool maintenance. I just wanted our pool to be crystal clear like everyone else's!
After years of frustration about my husband not maintaining the pool as I'd hoped (and his reluctance to hire help), I decided enough was enough. I would take it on myself - though I admit this might have been part of my procrasti-cleaning!
Have you seen a green pool? You can't see the bottom. It's dark green and hosts countless organisms and algae. I'm pretty sure toads and frogs had made it their home! To clean it, you need chlorine to kill the algae. In my eagerness, I added too much, potentially damaging the fiberglass surface and the vacuum cleaner. After a stern lecture from my husband and feeling guilty, I committed to reversing the damage.
In the week before my retreat, I found myself constantly cleaning the filter cartridge - it needed to capture all the dirt and algae residue. I must have cleaned it over 30 times. My hands grew sore from constantly pressing the hose handle and flipping the cartridge layers, removing seaweed-like debris. The key, I learned, was getting the pH level right first - only then could the water become clear again. This meant multiple visits to the pool shop and hyper-focusing on the pool. Every morning began with pool maintenance.
As I returned from the retreat, I got back into my pool cleaning hyper-fixation. During one of my many filter-cleaning sessions, I thought, "Well, maintaining pure awareness isn't limited to silent sitting meditation. I can practice while being in action." As I observed my mind while cleaning the filter for the nth time, I realized that recovering this green pool perfectly metaphors our journey back to Self-Energy and pure pristine awareness.
Here are 5 insights that emerged:
Our mind is like this pool. When cluttered with algae and impurities, we can't truly see our nature. We become so accustomed to the murky green water that we mistake it for our true state. "My colour is green," we might say. But is this really true? IS THIS YOUR TRUE NATURE? When our wise teachers tell us our true nature is pristine and clear, we might not believe it because we can't see it. Isn't this similar to when we're burdened with worries, misery, and burnout? Caught in self-as-content, we can't see what's causing our burnout. We just know we're in deep exhaustion, where nothing brings joy or clarity.
When we begin cleaning the pool by balancing pH and chlorine levels to eliminate algae, impurities settle to the bottom where we can vacuum them away. This mirrors our meditation practice - allowing wandering thoughts to settle. Just as I needed guidance from the pool shop expert to test the water and know which chemicals to add, we need wise teachers and coaches to guide our mental purification. They help us understand whether we're too alkaline or too acidic, showing us methods to settle our monkey mind and fidgety body.
3. The impurities and algae represent our social conditioning - our family upbringing, gender roles, and society's standards for 'success' and 'perfection.' We impose these unrelenting standards on ourselves, leading to burnout and exhaustion. These are the many layers of responsibilities and roles that mask our 'True Self' and become our identities. But remember, dear friend, these masks may not be who we truly are.
4. As we filter out impurities - just as the dirt and algae residues are cleaned away - the pool returns to crystal clarity, revealing our Capital S Self. This state-of-being is already complete with loving kindness, compassion, creativity, wisdom, courage, clarity, calm, curiosity, and connectedness. It naturally holds the capacity for self and other compassion, reflecting like still water where you can clearly see to the bottom.
5. A clear pool mirrors our Self-Energy (or in Buddhism, our True Buddha Nature) - naturally reflecting what's before us like a mirror. Whether it's clients in session, reports to write, or case formulations to complete, this state of mind allows us to see situations clearly through our pristine quality. When emotions stir, they create ripples on the water's surface. You'll notice these feelings, but can return to still waters after clients leave. This illustrates the difference between empathic fatigue and being in a compassionate state (Self-Energy). In empathy without Self-Energy, our state becomes more turbid, losing its clarity.
When we finally see our pool's crystal-clear water, it's like discovering our true Self-Energy - complete with loving-kindness, compassion, creativity, wisdom, courage, clarity, calm, curiosity, and connectedness. This essence is already within each of us. We don't need to strive for more or do more to overcome burnout. We simply need to uncover what's already there.
As I return to my filter cleaning, I hope this metaphor resonates with you. When you're caught up in your to-do list and ceaseless thoughts, take a moment to step back and remember the pristine nature within you. Take a deep breath. You've got this!
