What Launching My Podcast Taught Me About Fear and Freedom

The publish button sat there, waiting.

And my mind? My mind had opinions.

"Is this worth publishing?" it whispered. "Do people even care?"

I know this pattern intimately. The delay. The procrastination. The sticky thoughts that keep me small and safe. I've sat with countless colleagues and clients as they navigate this same terrain—the gap between what matters and what fear tells us.

But this time, something shifted.

Thanks to weeks of silent meditation practice, I could see these thoughts with unusual clarity. Not as truth. As protection.

My mind was trying to shield my self-esteem, my sense of worth. It didn't want me to fail. What if no one tunes in? What if no one likes it? If you're a rejection-sensitive ADHDer like me, you know this drill by heart.

The Question That Changes Everything

So I had to ask myself: What am I actually doing this podcast for?

Not to feel good about myself. Not to become famous or popular. Not to earn heaps of money for luxurious holidays (though wouldn't that be lovely). Not to chase social media hearts and validation.

If those aren't the reasons, what really matters here?

Integration. That's what matters.

Bring together the Buddhist contemplative practice and psychology practice, slowly but surely moving towards the Bodhi path. And all the vulnerable parts of me—the ones afraid of judgement, of rejection, of being seen as "too much" or "not enough"—need to know they can return to pristine awareness. That they can let Self lead the way.

Yes, it's terrifying for the parts of me that care what people think. I won't pretend otherwise.

But there's a greater part—one that wants to accumulate experiences so I can speak the dharma and share what I'm learning. And here's the thing: I can't do that without putting my work out there. I can't receive feedback. I can't improve. I can't grow.

Growth is non-negotiable for me. It's woven into the fabric of who I am.

The Process Is the Point

This isn't about outcomes.

It's about the slow transformation that happens when you choose—again and again—to do what matters, even when your mind screams otherwise.

It's the practice of letting go of what your thoughts say and moving your arms and legs toward what's true for you anyway.

Because here's what I'm discovering: when your thoughts no longer govern what you do with your body, you return to the open spaciousness in your heart.

Maybe that's the experiential essence of The Practitioner's Heart podcast. The practice of returning to awareness—letting that be the guiding light, again and again. Even when it's uncomfortable. Especially then.

What This Means for Your Practice

If you're a therapist or helper reading this, you probably recognise yourself in these patterns. The perfectionism. The fear of being judged by colleagues. The worry that your work isn't "good enough" or "professional enough" or "polished enough."

Your mind is doing its job—trying to keep you safe from criticism, rejection, professional embarrassment.

But ask yourself: What am I really here for?

Not to maintain a perfect image. Not to avoid all discomfort. Not to wait until you feel 100% ready (because you never will).

You're here to integrate all of you—the clinician, the human, the seeker. To let your work touch people because it's real, not because it's flawless.

Reflection questions:

• What would you do differently if your thoughts couldn't stop you?

• Where is fear of judgement keeping you from sharing your gifts and work?

• What matters more than being liked or approved of?

The publish button is still waiting. For all of us.

Your thoughts will have opinions. They always do. That's their job.

But you don't have to wait for permission from your mind to do what matters.

You can notice the fear, thank it for trying to protect you, and press publish anyway.

That's the practice. That's the heart of it.