The Power of Presence: Lessons From a Heart-to-Heart Conversation With Dr Louise Hayes

When I first imagined The Practitioner’s Heart Podcast, I wanted it to feel like sitting down with a trusted colleague who understands both the beauty and the heaviness of our work. So it felt especially meaningful to have Dr Louise Hayes join me for the very first episode. Because she was the one who encouraged me to really step into Buddhism and therapist well-being.

Louise has shaped how so many of us think about young people, identity, and living from a place of meaning. But what I treasure most about her is the warmth she brings into any room — a grounded, steady presence that reminds you to breathe a little deeper.

This conversation stayed with me long after we stopped recording.
Here are the threads that felt important to bring forward — for you, for me, and for any practitioner who is trying to walk this path with heart.

1. Who we are is not our role

When I asked Louise who she is, she didn’t list degrees, achievements, or job titles. Instead, she said:

“I’m a person practicing coming into myself.”

Something softened in me when she said that.
So often our identity becomes tangled with labels — psychologist, social worker, therapist, parent, all the “shoulds” and “ought-tos.” It’s easy to forget that beneath all of it, we are simply human beings trying our best to live well and do good.

Her reminder was gentle but powerful:
We are more than our roles.
And we don’t need to strive endlessly to prove we are enough.

2. Buddhism isn’t something you know — it’s something you live

Louise shared about her time in Nepal two decades ago, where Buddhism wasn’t a concept but a way of being woven into daily life. From the way people picked vegetables to how tea was offered, there was a natural sense of interconnectedness.

This resonated deeply with me.

Psychology gives us frameworks.
Buddhism gives us a way of relating to life.

Being here.
Feeling the ground beneath us.
Letting go of the mind’s constant need to grasp and define.

It reminded me that so much of what we bring to therapy isn’t taught in textbooks — it’s cultivated through practice, silence, and returning to the heart, again and again.

3. Noticing is the quiet skill that changes everything

When I asked what she wished more therapists focused on, Louise didn’t say techniques or interventions. She said:

“Noticing.”

Noticing your breath.
Your body.
The energy between you and a client.
The patterns that arise when you feel uncertain or protective.
The way your clients shift, even subtly, when something lands or doesn’t land.

It sounds simple, but it’s profound.

When we notice, we stop operating from autopilot.
We stop being driven by fear, urgency, or old patterns.
We become more spacious, more present, and more connected to what matters.

Noticing is the doorway back to ourselves – it is a key practice of becoming more aligned to our true nature.

When we start to notice the thoughts and concepts as our habitual patterns. As we do that and notice the rise and fall of our thoughts and feelings, we are developing our capacity to be awakened to our true nature.

4. Young people aren’t broken — they’re overwhelmed

Louise described adolescents as “the canary in the coal mine,” absorbing the intensity of a world that moves too fast, demands too much, and never stops telling them who they should be.

They are drowning in external expectations:
• how they look
• how they perform
• how they fit in
• how they present themselves online

What they need most is not more information.
It’s not more pressure to be “resilient.”
It’s not for us to be clever therapists.

They need someone who can meet them with steadiness.
Someone who helps them reconnect with the safety of their own body.
Someone who remembers that a warm hand or a genuine presence can matter far more than any tool or strategy.

Young people show us, over and over again, the power of being-with.

5. Burnout is a message, not a personal failing

Like many of us, Louise has experienced burnout — especially during the pandemic. There was a moment when she told her mentor that she wanted to quit psychology and become a florist.

Her mentor said something that struck me:

“You’re allergic to white space.”

And I felt that.
Deeply.

Burnout often comes not from doing too much, but from never stopping. Never resting. Never allowing emptiness or stillness.

Louise created white space in her calendar — intentionally, gently — and slowly her love for the work returned.

Burnout invites us to pause, soften, and return to what matters.

A seed Louise hopes you carry

As we were closing the conversation, I asked Louise what one thing she wished every therapist could remember.

Her answer was simple and true:

“Your presence with your client is far more important than any words you say.”

Not the technique.
Not the perfect intervention.
Not the theoretical brilliance.

Just presence.
Warm, steady, human presence.

Everything else flows from there.

A gentle reminder for your week

Wherever you are on your practitioner journey — beginning, emerging, seasoned, or somewhere in between — I hope this conversation brings you a sense of grounding.

You don’t have to be perfect.
You don’t have to know everything.
You don’t have to fix anyone.

You just have to be here, with an open heart, willing to notice what arises.

And that is more than enough.