Coming Home to My ADHD Self: A Buddhist Psychologist's Journey

As I write this from our family road trip out of Perth, I'm reflecting on a significant milestone - it's been a week since receiving my formal ADHD diagnosis. Yes, I'm low-key disclosing my not-so-private neurodivergence.

For an Asian psychologist from a migrant background practicing in Australia, the path to seeking diagnosis wasn't straightforward. Despite 17 years of clinical experience as an educational and developmental psychologist, conducting countless Autism and ADHD assessments, my own journey was complicated by layers of cultural conditioning and internalised ableism.

Two years ago, I began self-identifying as an ADHDer. As I learned more about how neurodivergent women present differently, my childhood experiences suddenly made sense. During client sessions, I often found myself deeply identifying with their challenges, thinking, "I should be sitting on the other side of the couch." But self-doubt always crept in - was it just burnout? Trauma? Poor adaptation?

While I admired neurodivergent psychologists speaking openly about their identity, I couldn't find anyone who looked like me - someone with my skin colour, ethnic and linguistic background. The thoughts plagued me: Not colourful enough. Not quirky enough. Not organised enough. Not eloquent enough. My cultural conditioning made me an expert at masking, often being the quietest psychologist in professional forums, despite having the subtle presentation and challenges of ADHD.

My work and personal lives existed in parallel processes. While excelling in clinical work, administrative tasks often overwhelmed me until I finally sought VA support. The classic ADHD challenges persisted in my personal life - missing children's birthday parties, running late, cancelling plans last minute, feeling unreliable and letting people down.

It took a year from first discussing ADHD with my GP to getting a referral, and another few months to secure a psychiatrist appointment. Even then, my ADHD showed up on the day of the consultation - a dead phone battery, a locked Tesla, running late, and asking for a phone charger in the consultation room. Classic presentation indeed. No, I did not plan that!

After two hours of assessment, my psychiatrist's words - "I'm so glad that you're here" - brought tears of validation. My life experiences finally made sense - the crash-and-burn episodes, my Buddhism passion, hyperfocus in coaching, and the constant fear of letting people down. The broken necklace beads of my identity were finally strung together.

As life would have it, I finished this blog at the end of the family trip, having lost a new puffer jacket that I bought recently. I probably left it at the hotel. The same guilt and shame surfaced up. And I said to her (my inner child), “It’s okay. We can do this from a place of love. No, I am not going to abandon you anymore.” I gave myself a deep hug. 

Can ADHDers learn Buddhism and be spiritual? Absolutely. Will Buddhist spiritual practice change my neurotype or make me super organised? Perhaps not. But it has helped me integrate all parts of myself, making me feel whole rather than 'less than' plus endless compassion for the messy parts of me who are struggling to handle all my big dreams and vision. 

If you are reading this and this resonates with your journey, please do not hesitate to reach out and share your journey with me!